On August 11, 2008, Hannah Jefferson announced her candidacy for president at a press conference in downtown Los Angeles. It was attended by a single journalist from Kronen Zeitung, the extremely right-wing Austrian tabloid publication that holds a strong position against funding towards “avant-garde projects.”
“Who do you model yourself after as a politician?” The press inquired of Jefferson.
She hesitated and then said “Hillary”. This immediately refuted by Altheimer. “No, not Hillary.”
“Well, who would you consider for vice-president?” The only journalist asked.
Again: “Hillary!”
Again, Altheimer butted in with, “NO, NOT HILLARY.”
Since Jefferson is aiming to recruit the majority of Clinton’s crestfallen voters, it is a bit strange that Altheimer, as her advisor, is entirely anti-Hillary. Who is Altheimer? If he took charge of America, children would pledge to Kierkegaard every morning in classrooms. I’m reminded of Man in High Castle by Phillip K. Dick. American values and culture would be shoved into the crevices of Middle America. Mainstream America would become a subculture or a fetish…
Jefferson was cut off everytime she started speaking about her position on interntional matters. She brought up the war in Georgia–to which Altheimer interrupted: “What’s this about Georgia? We aren’t concerned with Georgia!” She frequently gave him appalled looks, but kept quiet. She apologized to him once when her phone starting going off during her acceptance speech.
Obmutescence is becoming a bad characteristic of female presidential candidates. As reported in The Hollywood Liberal yesterday:
“This has been a very instructive call, talking to myself.”
— Sen. Hillary Clinton, quoted in a forthcoming article in The Atlantic, after receiving “little response” or “silence” to several of her suggestions for how to recover from her Iowa loss and do better in New Hampshire. Clinton then hung up the phone.
Is Jefferson going to continue keeping quiet or is she going to step up to Altheimer? As for now, we know that she drinks Evian water. Evian was the largest presence at the press conference. Regarding this important matter, we know that McCain drinks Fiji and Obama prefers Pepsi’s Aquafina.
-VK
Evian spelled backwards is “naïve.” Fiji backwards may refer to peanut butter preference. Now, it’s storytime:
Once upon a time there were three hamsters. One of the hamsters, Anifauqa, had a pet monkey. Anifauqa loved her monkey, Gnutiez. One day Gnutiez went for a walk with Anifauqa. They walked and walked and walked. Then they were tired.
All of the sudden Notnilc, the parrot, wanted to eat a cracker, but since nobody was around to give him one he settled for a cookie. As he ate the cookie it, as all cookies do, got smaller and smaller, and little bits of the cookie, some would call them “crumbs,” fell to the floor.
One of the crumbs, as it fell to the floor, gained consciousness. It tried to think something to itself, but as it had never done this before it was quite a difficult task. Just as the first thought started to complete, it hit the floor, and was no more.
One day the three hamsters met an ice cream truck. They didn’t like the ice cream truck, so it ran them over, or so it thought.
Tags: Palindromeasexclusionaryprinciple; vibrationalvoyage.